dang it's been awhile...

so people keep saying to me..."dang Mike, you seem pretty pissed at christianity and the church nowadays, and you are pretty hard on believers, it seems kind of like a double standard?"

i should start off by saying that i am a huge believer that people are made naturally good...and that deep down in our core, we are good...when God made man he sat back, sighed, sipped a lil brew, and said "hey, this is pretty dog gone good"...and if we are made in God's image, and God is benevolent, all good, then we should be originally all good...

But, i do believe that we are easily, in fact very easily, persuaded into different theologies, philosophies, methods of operation, etc...how else would Hitler have killed 6 million jews without persuading a hell of a lot of people to follow him...people say that 1% percent of people are leaders and the other 99% are followers...so...we are easily swept into, born into, or convinced into believing or doing things a certain way...and realistically, most of us, never really challenge the way of living or thinking that we grew up in...even if we do, our ideas or questions are usually hushed hushed by our parents, teachers, elders, etc...or we're given a lil run around answer...so most of us just get plain old comfy in our all white high top reeboks from 1986, with the two velcro straps on top...or in other words, we just get comfy in how our parents did it, and are probably still doing it...

well, for some cruel reason, God decided to give me a ridiculously questioning mind...my mom tells stories of how she would tuck my sister in bed first at night, and she would say, "mom, what should i wear tomorrow?" or "mom, thanks for dinner", you know, realistic, grateful, good questions...then mom, would come tuck me in at night, and i would say, "mom, if the earth is spinning, why can't we feel it?" or "mom, why do you and dad fight?"...i've never been able to just be content or satisfied in the way it was or is...i had to figure out the truth and decide it on my own...sounds pretty egotistical when i hear it like that...but at least i know

so, anyways....when i see what i consider to be injustice or a harsh misrepresentation of the truth or of the way something was intended to be...it sets me off! especially when it's done to me...and i am not the type of person to say, "hey, it's okay, people will be people" or "people don't change" or "you can't change the world"

i can't ignore things, and when i see bad things being done to me or people i love, i get defensive, and protective...

so when i see injustice in the church, and i see people being tricked into things, or excluded, or judged...i get pissed...especially when it's against me or my wife

when i see the all loving and all good and all compassionate Jesus, being misrepresented, i get pissed...

and i'm not saying that i know the right way, but i am saying that i know what is not the right way...

and i know in my anger and straight forwardness i have said more than i should have sometimes, and crossed over some lines, and been hypocritical about a few things, and i thank and love those who have brought this to my attention...

but i am angry, and i am hurt, and i am sick of seing the message of Christ, of love, and all accepting, and grace being forced in people's faces, made into a sales pitch, sold and bought like a trendy sweat suit, separated for only these people, boxed up in 10 essentials, systematized into categories and rules, applied here but not there, and on and on...

Jesus, said that loving people and loving God override everythinggggg....and when our man made philosophies or theologies or modes of operation or ministry begin to step on love's toes...i am not gonna keep my mouth shut...

and i do not mean to criticize or bash the person saying or doing these things...but someone has got to stand up for this stuff...and it's very hard to challenge what someone does or says without it sounding like i'm judging them...which is the last thing that i want to do...it is exactly what i'm against...but there are things that i think are wrong...so maybe i just need to learn how to speak out of love...

but would you listen? if i said things, all sugar coated and nice-like, would you listen? MLK didn't speak with a soft manor, his voice boomed, and he called out injustice with no holding back, he marched the streets singing songs of freedom and peace...and especially Jesus, in the face of the Pharisees and Sadducees, he threw over tables, he called them hypocrites to their faces...

so then i ask, help me out, not that i'm the poster child for protesting, all i really do is bitch all the time, but what are you doing about injustice...are you just letting it go because people are just people...help me figure this out...challenge me back if my words upset you...all i want to see is injustice and exclusion broken down, and the sacredness and sweetness of conversion and Christianity preserved...

sunday bloody sunday

sunday bloody sunday
i saw this on one of my buddy's pages which redirected me to another friend's page... http://eyeheartseattle.blogspot.com/2006/07/sunday-bloody-sunday-rx2008-i-saw-this_10.html

anyways, just go watch it

"The greatest enemy to the movement of Christ is Christianity"

this quote is by a guy named Erwin Mcmanus who has a sweet action ministry down in LA called Mosaic. anyways, this guy has balls.

and though this is a huge generalized comment and quite offensive...i can't help but agree with him. and it also breaks my heart, because it is so true.

we go around all day long "preaching" the gospel in people's faces telling them that if they only accept this message that their lives will be changed forever better and everything in their life will be taken care of...but, as I look around, Christians go through the same shit that everyone else does...and well, a lot people say, well, they handle it better, and they see the good in it...well that's a bunch of bullshit too...

you know what drives me crazy...christians thinking that they are different or better than everyone else...

i think it stems from what could be one of the greatest theological "oops" in history. something that happened when constantine legalized christianity in 318 where it became the good and right belief instead of this grassroots revolutionary, ARE ALL WELCOME, belief. before 318 it was all about survival and love and community and truth and each other, and then after, when money got involved, it turned to all about rules, power, and control. and i don't think that it's changed since...

we have this idea that if you're not a christian, you are inferior, less than, not "one of us"...that you are "evil"... and most people will say, nahhh, i don't believe that...but think again...think about how you term people who don't believe what you believe...think about how many of your friends are not christians, and how we term them as "non-believers"...think about how in every way, we as christians and christianity have dug a cavern between what is "christian" and what is "secular", and the only bridge across, the only bridge to the "good life", to "goodness", to "joy", to "perfection", is what we have deemed as "conversion". what the hell is "conversion" anyway? (i am not trying to discount anyone's personal spiritual encounter, just give me a second)

yes, we all have one or many points where we make decisions and commitments to do something different or believe something different. BUT, how different and better is your life since your "conversion"....honestly? honestly? have we promised an all inclusive trip to hawaii but given a one day pass to six flags?...aren't you still lonely? aren't you still bored? aren't you still angry? aren't you still confused? aren't you still human? is your life really any different than any other person on this earth? maybe you don't know because you don't know anybody deeply or close that doesn't believe?

that's because we have taken the message "be not of this world" to mean that we should not have any connection with anything that isn't "christian". well, after a while of living the separated life, i got bored. and lonely, depressed, left out, cold, judgemental, cynical, and lonely, and bored. and so i started thinking, and hearing, maybe this isn't the way it's supposed to be? maybe this separation is bad? maybe there's something i don't understand? maybe there's something that all of us have misunderstood for a very long time?

what do you believe happened when Jesus died? what do you think happened when he broke down the gates of hell? how do you take his words, "I died so that all may have life and may be saved, redeemed"?

what if its not so exclusive as we've always thought it to be? what if the worst sin in christianity, is not homosexuality or abortion, but what if its' just believing that we are different and better than everyone else? believing that we should separate ourselves?

if i remember right, it's His job to separate the sheep and the goats?

you know what i hear first and most of all when i talk to nonbelievers about Christianity? nothing...that's because i never have shut up and quit judging them to listen to one word...

we have built walls around our lives in order to keep us out of this "world". if it's not "christian", it's crap.

it is here where this type of "Christianity" is killing the movement of Christ.

so what is "christianity" anyways? who came up with this word? who's idea was it to stop just telling people about Jesus? and instead start trying to convert the world to christianity? what if you love Christ and love the world and love others, but hate Christianity?

has christianity become the modern day sanhedrin? have we all become little pharisees?
responses....

(i've been reading this book call the Irresistible Revolution by a guy named Shane Claiborne...it's really good and straight forward, and unlike me, he takes his anger and does good things with it. i'm still stuck in the just bitching phase...so forgive me for my bluntness)

allow me to let off a little steam...

you know what has really been getting on my nerves lately...bullshit, fake people, know-it-alls, drama, did i say bullshit, prejudice, whiners, arrogance and ignorance, politics, money, exclusion, reality tv, materialism, consumerism, and bullshit, if i didn't say that already...i'm sick of all these arrogant folks who think that they have all the answers, they think they have it allll figured out, that its really simple actually, that everybody else in the world is going to hell because they're wrong and sinners, and i have it right and you don't, and you suck and are evil until you believe the way that i do, wear the hat that i wear, wear the necklace that i wear, say what i say, eat what i eat, walk the way i walk and talk the way i talk, well guess what...kiss my ass...though Jesus does still love you, everybody else thinks your an asshole...including me and my dog...so seriously, isnt it about time, that everybody just calms the freaK down, have a flippin beer, take off your shoes, chew a little juicy fruit, watch the wind blow by, jump in cause it's warm, let's all just get along, all you need is love, so be a simple man, let's love one another and feel alright, eat some banana freakin pancakes, and enjoy life, ey brudda?
this world was created for one thing...for man and woman to enjoy the God that created them and the world, including the mountains, beer, love, 1969 shelby cobras, hardwood floors, finding the one, sweet tea on a front porch, rocking chairs, a chocolate lab, meat and potatoes, the ocean, smoking whatever around a fire pit with your 5 best friends, boobs, a good hardworking good paying job, and a good shit, shower, and shave, and everything that is anything beautiful and messy...and all we have to do is say thank you to God once in awhile for creating this beautiful mess, and lend a helping hand now and then to those who need, BUT....i'm having a hard time enjoying this beautiful life with all your yapping...so shut your pie hole about your little perfect life and how me and all the arabs are ruining your pursuit of everything, so you can control the world with your puppet strings, and can we all just forget all of our damn grudges, realize that honestly, life would be a lottt better if we saw people as just humans who need food, sex, silence, and good hug every now and then, and that we all are just trying to survive in this world that was built for only beauty and love, but has been so freakin messed up by this big desire for power and control, can we just lay it all down, quit all the fakeness and games, i don't want to hear about all your money, and i'm sorry if i don't call anyone back, i'm busy trying to enjoy life, so CHILL OUT...it's hard to relax with all the racket...

hog wild...

i've really been craving to trade my 4runner in for a harley lately. i just found this page today with all these recordings of harley exhaust sound rumblings. if you've ever wanted one, or just love the smell of burning exhaust and love to hear a big v-twin rumble...click these links...they'll turn you on

http://www.dlhill.com/HD_sounds/hd_2.wav

http://www.dlhill.com/HD_sounds/hd_4.wav

http://www.dlhill.com/HD_sounds/hd_6.wav

http://www.dlhill.com/HD_sounds/harleygos1.wav

finding discipline? continued...

Here is the paper...

Boy, You’re Cruisin’ for a Bruisin’

Introduction

I used to laugh along with my family when they would tell the stories of how my mother would “beat the temper out of me.” All the men before me in my family had bad tempers, and my mother would make sure that I would not. I could never admit that what was done to me was abuse. I could never put the title of “child abuse” upon my daily spankings. For the 18 years that I fought against my mother and lost, I could never say that I was abused. But now, I cannot hide the harmful affects of what was done to me. I cannot lie any longer that I did not consistently hate my parents for “beating” me. I cannot lie any longer that I was not abused. I cannot withhold my anger and pain for withstanding 18 years of physical and emotional abuse.
I used to agree with “spanking” children. I thought, this is what was done to me, and I have turned out to be a great person. I have a college degree. I’ve never done drugs. I’ve never been to jail. I’ve only got one speeding ticket. At least on the outside, it looks like I have everything put together. But, on the inside, there is a gruesome battle of shame and guilt. I punish myself internally for years because of a few bad decisions. I have a very hard time receiving any kind of love. I am internally raging with anger and pain, but I have no idea how to begin to release any of it. I am deeply afraid that if I let any anger out, I will turn into a vicious monster of a person. And, I am horrified of what I will become, if I truly display just a drop of the splitting dam of pain within me. I have no idea how to show emotions, and when I give any words of what exists in my heart, I turn to mockery of myself. I used to punch myself in the chest and face when I thought that I had sinned against God. My idea of repentance was to emotionally and physically beat the guilt out of me.
So now, when people ask me, “are you going to spank your children like your parents spanked you?” I don’t know anymore. I want to believe that there is a different way to raise children. There has got to be a way that provides a healthy environment where there can be anger and pain with understanding. There has to be a way where at the end of the day, everyone still feels like a human being. And, so in this realm of questioning, I will write this paper.
When does discipline become abuse? Can verbal and emotional abuse be just as harmful as physical abuse? What are the effects of child abuse? Where does all the violence go? How does child abuse affect gender roles within the family and a future marriage? What happens to boys who are spanked? What happens to girls who are spanked? How will two spanked children relate to each other in a marriage context? What happens when one child is spanked more than the other siblings? Is there any justification for spanking a child? Are there any possible alternatives? Is there any hope for another way?

Research

From polls in 1997, 75 percent of American parents rely on spanking as regular discipline, and 90 percent of parents have spanked their kids at least once. The ages of those spanked are highest between the ages 3 to 6. “One study of 679 college students found that over 93 percent had experienced some physical punishment” (Hyman, p. 16). Often, the true percentage depends on who is being asked, the spanker or spankee. Either way, it is obvious that spanking is a wide spread practice in America. So, why is spanking so common?
One author, Irwin Hyman (1997), who I will quote probably too much in this paper, says that spanking, “as it is generally used is very appealing because it can produce very quick short-term results. It doesn’t take much thinking, it usually costs nothing, and most parents and teachers feel they don’t need to be trained in its use. But effective punishment is not as simple as some people think” (p. 8). In other words, spanking is actually very easy to do. And, for most people, spanking a child is what comes most naturally to us. Is this because of nature or nurture?
Alice Miller (1983) says that, “we punish our children for the arbitrary actions of our parents that we were not able to defend ourselves against, thanks to the fourth commandment” (Miller, p. xi). Miller details that most of us spank our children because that is exactly what was done to us. We were taught by our parents to spank by being spanked. So then, it is only natural and now engrained in our brain to spank our children. And, for most of us, we see that we turned out to be a good person, so we assume that what our parents did was a good thing. It is very easily justifiable because a) it is all we know, b) our parents did it to us, and c) it works. But, if it really works, then why do parents have to continuously spank their children?
In my case, I was spanked every other day until I was probably 12 years old. And, after that, I was then hit probably once a month to two months until I was 16 or so. Most often, my mother did the routine spankings, and honestly, they were more of a good smack than a violent beating. But, nothing was worse than hearing, “just wait til’ your father gets home.” That means that she couldn’t deliver enough pain, and she needed my father to take care of it. This would happen at least once a season. I would have to put my hands on the kitchen sink, look down, and he would hit me on the butt with his leather belt, usually 4 to 5 times, sometimes more.
So, just to give a rough estimate, I was probably hit, let’s just say 10 years, every other day, and one good one 4 to 5 times year, so, probably, a couple thousand times. So, here’s my question: if spanking really works, why did it have to be used a few thousand times? Don’t you think that if it was a reasonable and a working practice, that I would have begun to respond with good behavior? Either, my parents beat me for fun, or I was just consistently disobedient. Either way, I slowly began to hate my parents for what they were doing to me and hate myself for what I was causing.
“If it doesn’t work immediately, the punisher must increase the frequency, duration, and intensity of the punishment until it finally works. That is one reason why spanking, when ineffective, can escalate to severe abuse” (Hyman, p. 9). So when does discipline become abuse?
Hyman defines abuse as “physical injury by hitting, punching, beating, kicking, throwing, biting, burning, or otherwise physically harming a child. Proof is usually determined by the presence of welts, marks, minor to major bruises, abrasions, lacerations, eye injuries, fractures, and damage to internal organs” (p.36). But, what if the child doesn’t bruise easily, or the parent punches the child in the stomach, or hits them with clothes on? It is very easy to get away with abuse without leaving any marks. So, then if the effects of abuse aren’t immediate, what could be the long terms effects?

Harmful Effects

In the movie, A History of Violence (2005), the director, David Cronenberg, does a powerful job of displaying the way that “violence begets violence.” It is an excruciating experience to sit through this movie, but the message is very powerful. When violence is done to someone, it has to go somewhere. Violence cannot be done to someone and then disappear or have no effect. If violence does not directly or immediately respond back, it will be bottled down inside, and eventually, it will burst upon another or continue to burn inside of the victim.
Miller (1983) discusses a report done with toddlers in Denver. In the study were children who had undergone severe physical abuse from their parents. The children were 3-6 years old for the most part. In this study, the children were provoked to show anger. In most cases, the child was passive towards any stimulus. The child, in effect, took the punishment onto himself internally. It was noticed later, that though the children could not show anger to the therapist, they were very violent with their toys. “Dolls and other fictitious characters were constantly being beaten, tormented, and killed” (p. 88). One child who had undergone many head traumas because of abuse, consistently created stories with characters where their heads would be broken or destroyed. What is most interesting to note, is that this child was abused only as an infant. (Miller, p. 88-89) It is clear that even child abuse at the earliest age can be detrimental.
Many have justified that spanking an infant or toddler is necessary and less detrimental to his or her future than later years. Also, this has been justified because the child is not of an “age of reason”. But, as the previous study demonstrates, even the earliest spanking or violent discipline can cause further issues. “In 2003, an estimated 906,000 children were reported and investigated to be confirmed victims of actual abuse or neglect situations. 1,500 children died as a result of abuse or neglect in 2003. The majority—almost 79%—were three years of age or younger” (http://www.americanhumane.org). These are powerful and horrifying statistics of the truth behind early age child abuse. Harmful effects can take many forms, including death and long term issues.
If there is a not a place where the child can release anger and pain, and he or she is silenced when they do release these things, the child will learn to become silent and hide their emotions. As parents, we must learn to provide places for our children to display emotions. If we don’t think or have a chance to release some of the anger from what our parents did to us, then we will do the same to our children. Out of ignorance, we will follow the past. A history of violence will continue to spread. (Miller, p. 4)
Another issue that will affect a spanked child is related to parental idealization. For many, the effect of childhood abuse does not show itself because even though the parent may consistently be abusive, most likely they still feed and do many good things for the child. Just because a parent physically or emotionally abuses a child does not mean that they are terrible person. There are of course, many parents, like mine, that provided a beautiful life for their children and disciplined them thinking that it was the best for the child. For many, the phrase, “this hurts me more than it hurts you,” or “you will thank me for this one day” is a very clear sounding memory. Because a parent sends their child to private school, spoils them with tons of Christmas presents, feeds them to their full, and tucks them in at night, it is easy for a child to overlook the pain and anger that is bottled up inside. It is very hard to say that your parents may have abused you. In my own story, I have just come to the realization that many issues in my life are a direct effect of the bottled-in hate, anger, and violence within me. And, issues have come up in my life, streaming directly from my lowered self-esteem, self-contempt, and a boiling heart of anger. Many people can laugh about spanking as I used to with my family. But when the harsh reality sets in on the long term effects of continual spanking, it’s not funny anymore.

Gender Differences

It would be ignorant to think that childhood abuse does not directly affect gender roles and relations significantly. How males will react to violence will often be very different than how females react. For men who grew up in violent homes, it is not uncommon that either the male will seek out a female mate to control and be violent to, or he will seek out a woman who is violent to him. And, sadly, the effects are played out most significantly in sexual situations. The most vulnerable place for a man to take power over a woman is sexually. And, it isn’t a coincidence that physical violence done unto a young boy will further into physical control later in his life. Because physical violence has been used to control him, he will attempt to find control and power through demeaning a woman through physical relations. But, if and when attention is not given to the male, or his way is not met, violence will occur. If the man cannot control his wife or his needs are not met, it is easy for him to justify pornography, where he will control many women with ease.
Ironically, a woman who has been controlled by physical discipline will often look to a man to do the same. There is something safe and desirable in the familiarity of being controlled by the physical. Clearly, this can lead women into seeking out men who may eventually be physically and sexually abusive. This may explain why girls, especially in high school, always go for the “bad boys”. There is a desire within to be with a boy, who a)her parents do not like, because he is most likely dangerous, and b)someone who offer a challenge, even if it’s violent.
“Someone who has learned at his or her peril to obey unwritten laws and renounce feelings at a tender age will obey the written laws all the more readily, lacking any inner resistance. But since no one can live entirely without feelings, such a person will join groups that sanction or even encourage the forbidden feelings, which he or she will finally be allowed to live out within a collective framework” (Miller, p. 86).
So, either a female may look for the familiar abusive male, where she can follow his rules. Or, the exact opposite may happen. A female could be completely turned off from the male and be turned to the safer woman. To protect herself completely from the male, she may choose a female partner or companion. Or, the woman will marry a completely passive male, where she can outplay her violence upon him. Once again, there is constant cycle or history of violence. I could write 10 more pages on the ways that childhood abuse affects gender.

Biblical Analysis

There are three verses in Proverbs that Bible followers have used to justify spanking their children. Proverbs 13:24, 22:15, 23:14. Many will say that these verses are only in Proverbs and deal specifically to Solomon, but I am not going to try to disprove these or say that it is a wrong translation of the word “rod”. I fully understand how these verses can be used to justify spanking children. And, though nowhere in the New Testament are there any instructions not to discipline one’s children, I do feel that the message of Christ and His death on the cross offer a different story.
When the people wanted to stone the woman for getting caught in the act of adultery, Jesus asked them to offer her grace. To a group of people who knew what it was like to be caught in the act of sin, he knew they would fall sympathetic to this woman. I would say that to those people who know what it is like to receive physical punishment from your parents, why would you do the same to your children?
No one can argue that Jesus ever recommended or encouraged violence upon children or adults. In Matthew 10:14-15, He says, “let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Clearly, Jesus has a deep and profound love for children. I cannot picture Jesus standing by as someone beats their children.
I believe that the model of Jesus with his disciples is how we should raise our children. The word discipline comes from the Latin disciplina, meaning teaching or learning. (www.m-w.com) One who is under discipline is called a disciple. To be a disciple usually means that you follow someone in authority who teaches you a way of life, like Christ’s disciples. When the disciples denied Jesus or did something that He disagreed with, He confronted them with truth, but He also spoke encouragement into their lives also. I believe the way that Jesus spoke with Peter on the shore of Galilee after His resurrection is the way to discipline those underneath you.
And when Christ died on the cross, I believe he paid the price for man’s sin and offered a different option of grace. I see His death as the last physical sacrifice that we need to make. It was the last act of violence. I firmly believe that Christ does not and would not encourage any act of violence.

Conclusion

So then, what are we to do? Surely, there has to be some sort of discipline for children. And, I think that every person when they come to have children must ask themselves, is there another option besides violence? Can we learn a new form of discipline that fully breeds love, teaching, and forgiveness?
For the remainder of Hyman’s book, The Case Against Spanking: How to Discipline Your Children without Hitting, he offers a wonderfully planned out and systematic way for disciplining your child. Much of the program is built off positive reinforcement and simply talking with children. I realize that children can be stubborn, wild, and often times just plain crazy, and that the idea of positive encouragement sounds like a joke, but of course, this is a long term learning and application process. It would be a lot easier in the beginning to just spank your children. But, I believe that there is another way that offers life and love, instead of violence.


A few last quotes from Hyman and Miller:

“Children should be taught to do the right thing because it is the right thing. This is called moral persuasion, as opposed to moral coercion, which is based on fear of punishment.”
“Discipline that is based on moral persuasion involves discussion, praise for correct behavior, negotiation, and parental modeling of good behavior.”(Hyman)
“Perhaps, financial resources or occupational experiences are not as important as educational attainment in determining how people view the act of hitting a child. Education can shape attitudes and beliefs and can expose people to thinking that contradicts traditional beliefs and transgenerational values regarding discipline.”
“I have discovered that we are less a prey to this form of the repetition compulsion if we are willing to acknowledge what happened to us, if we do not claim that we were mistreated “for our own good,” and if we have not had to ward off completely our painful reactions to the past. The more we idealize the past, however, and refuse to acknowledge our childhood sufferings, the more we pass them on unconsciously to the next generation.” (Miller)

“What good fortune for those in power that people do not think.” Adolf Hitler

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month (http://www.americanhumane.org)


Many countries outside of the United States are making spanking children illegal. A few of these countries, for example are, Sweden, Switzerland, Iceland, Finland, Denmark, Norway, Canada, Austria, Germany, Italy, Cyprus, Croatia, Israel and Latvia. (wikipedia.com) Perhaps, it is time that we caught on.

finding discipline?

I am beginning to write a paper on spanking children? when is it necessary? is it necessary at all? why should parents spank? why shouldn't they spank? what are alternatives? what is your personal experience? how has either way affected you now?

the old testament says "spare the rod, spare the child" , but Jesus in the new testament preaches the message, "let him who has not sinned throw the first stone," and "in order to enter the kingdom of heaven, you must be like a child."

where do you stand? what do you think are the negative and positive affects of spanking or alternative practice, such as positive reinforcement?

finding Mexico...

and on the lighter side...courtney and I just booked 8 days at an all inclusive beachfront resort in puerto vallarta mexico for the 1st week of may. i cannot stop thinking about it. i have started preparing myself by practicing my spanish and listening to Latin music. growing up in ATL, my family and I were addicted, still are addicted actually, to this one cuban hole in the wall like a half mile from my house. we went there, literally once to twice a week for the last 10 years. and sitting here listening to my cuban background friends music recommendation the "spam allstars" and "ritmo y canto", I am instantly transported to a beautiful gold sanded beach somewhere, with the crystal blue waves crashing in front of me, holding my very strong margarita, with a way too low spf sun tan lotion, smelling the coconut hawaiin tropic, feeling the hot sun on my face.......

what is the difference between escaping life and being kind to yourself. i asked this question last week of my profesor and el president dan allender...he said that sometimes in the midst of a fight, you need to be kind to yourself and take a break...i asked what the difference was between withdrawing from a fight or pain, and then being kind to yourself? personally, i want to move to mexico or hawaii and write books about theology and life and become a surf pro. realistically, this is played out in our 8 day trip to mexico. but are both escape from a life full of work, school, emotions, physical endurance, and pain stretched out and spread out over too small a plate? or are they listening to my heart and taking care of myself? what's the difference? roll that up and smoke it.....haha

anyways, back to the spam allstars, muchos gracias josue

hasta la vista baby

finding a wild family...

last weekend i had to write a paper for my marriage and family class. the assignment was to write the story of your family in 5 pages. the profesor said that if we did not bleed on the paper, metaphorically speaking of course, if we did not cry or laugh or whatever in writing it, then we would fail the paper. as always, a light and easy Mars Hill assignment...haha

anyways, in my desire to be known and for others to enter my story...as i desire to enter yours also...if you would like to read it or see it, let me know and i'll email it to you. I don't know if it would be honoring to my family to just post it on here. I guess i'm not ready for that yet.

but, in writing it, as painful as it was, it has opened me into a new place in my life...a place of great pain and confusion, yet also challenge and peace. the great paradigm of repentance and redemption. anyways, if you want to read it, let me know...maybe it will inspire you to write your own...

including wild...continued

For all of you that responded to my posts of "including wild...", thank you for your thoughts and heart...here is my paper, a bit lengthy, but it's grad school, get over it.


Exclusion vs. Inclusion
Christ’s message, “I am the way, the truth, and the life, no one come to the Father, except through me,”[1] hits the world hard with a message of exclusion. Yet, the Bible also teaches that all have been saved through the death and resurrection of Christ. How does one begin to hold both messages of exclusion and inclusion? On one hand, Christ seems to be preaching a message of exclusion, but on the other hand, did He not die for all peoples? I must admit that as I look out upon the Christian community, I see a very exclusive club of righteous believers. Why does the Christian community put out such a message of separation between what is sacred and what is secular? Do we really believe that the message is for all people? And if we do, is the message preached with invitation or with condemnation?
Douglas Harink, in his book, Paul Among the Postliberals[2], suggests that the original translations of Paul’s letters read that it is the faith “of” Christ that saves man, not man’s faith “in” Christ that saves us. What’s his name gives a very detailed and heavily supported argument in order to prove the original text of Paul. He suggests that when Luther translated these verses into German, he changed this preposition in order to stress his message that grace is free. Under his vicious relationship with the Roman church, it is easy to understand and support Luther for his words. Yet, in years to follow, these gracious words would be used for power with the rise of colonialism and consumerism. In the last few hundred years, Paul’s words have changed from words of freedom to words of power.
In order to understand what went wrong, we must break down the message that each preposition causes. The faith “of” Christ refers to Christ choosing to follow the Father’s will for Him to die on the cross. In the garden of Gethsemane, Christ sweat tears of blood, pleading, begging His Father not to ask Him to do this. But, Christ accepted the call of the Father, and chose to die for all mankind. So, it was the faith “of” Christ that saves us. Jesus paid the price once and for all for man’s sin. The Bible seems to portray this very clearly. But, if Christ died once for all mankind, does that mean that everyone is going to heaven? This message sounds like universalism, and so then many will ask, are we all saved no matter what? No matter what we humans say or do, we are all going to heaven because Christ has justified all of man’s sin? Can this be possible? Surely, there has to be a choice on man’s part. If we had no choice then all mankind would just be robots with no choice. And, if there was no reason to not sin, then why don’t we all continue sinning? Why would God make it that easy? This message requires nothing of man?
At first, the message that it is our faith “in” Christ that saves us brought so much freedom and life to those who believed. But, as Christians overtime gained wealth and success, the message has changed. In man’s search for identity and power, the freeing invitation of salvation has become a condemning message striking fear in the hearts of those who do not believe. Somewhere along the line, Christians created the great divide between the sacred and secular, between those who believe and those who do not believe. I feel that this gap widened with the growth of consumerism. I have this and you don’t. Life nowadays seems like a race to see who can acquire the most material things. I see that Christianity in America has now become just something else to buy. I think that salvation is just another product that if we follow the 8 step plan, we will achieve this wonderful perfect life.
The Bible makes it very clear how to gain eternal life. “If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”[3] All these things are done of human effort. So, there must be a compromise, or conglomeration, or combination of “in” and “of”.
But, what if all this is just a semantics game? What if it is just a matter of rephrasing ourselves. What if the man’s choice or choosing is replaced with the word, acknowledged? What if when Christ chose to die for us, and then He did die for us, what if everyone one of us was saved right then. But, like a lover who loves us and yearns for us, if we do not acknowledge their love, we will never step into relationship with them. So, before we ever step anywhere, if we cannot feel or realize their love that burns within us and for us, how can we ever step to them in authenticity? How many of us have been caught in a relationship where we force ourselves into making ourselves love the other? What if we truly never discovered the “fire that burns within”, and so there is nothing to hold on to, so we force ourselves to love the other. And, I feel like sometimes, all that this leads to is embitterment and shame towards the other and ourselves.
Where this also matters is in the method of exclusion. If someone tells me that I am less than them because I am not part of them, how much more so do I now not want any part with those arrogant bastards? But, if they call me to acknowledge that within me, there is already everything I need? And, in my heart there is everything I want. The call sounds very different now. The call hits my heart with a deeper call to that which I already am familiar with. It is the call that my loneliness and brokenness longs for. Deep within, there is something that brings me to purpose and life and love. It is internal. I am good. I matter. I have the capacity to love and hope because there is good inside me. How many of us have been so beaten down by life, family, and the world that we do not believe that we have any capacity to love or experience joy anymore.
The Church, and the Christian world, has told us that we are worthless. You are evil. In the past 6 months, I have visited Mars Hill Church in Ballard, WA, at least a dozen times. And, for the majority of pastor Mark Driscoll’s sermons, I have heard the message, “you are evil. Nothing in you has any capacity for good.” And in my own words, what I hear is this- “we Christian believers are over here; we have it all figured out. You nonbeliever are pure evil. You are worthless and meaningless until you come over here and put on the Christian hat.” Yes, many will say, but there is evil in man. Man is separated from God and thus is evil. What about the Holocaust? What about Hitler? Obviously, man has much capacity for evil? But, at the heart, I ask, what is man, is he good or is he evil?
I feel that in the Christian realm, we preach that humans are born with an evil heart, not a good heart. But, what confuses me is that I have confessed to God my sins so many times. I have asked the Lord Jesus Christ to come into my heart at least infinite plus one times. But, I still do many evil things. So, once I accept Jesus into my heart, once I am baptized, is that evil gone? Surely not. Honestly, how have I changed? Have I changed at all? What has changed in me? What difference does it all make? I think what makes talk like this so dangerous is we begin to tell people that they are evil, and we Christians are good, so you are not good unless you’re Christian? What kind of invitational message is that? This seems like a message of pressure and condemnation.
I do not want to believe in a god that threatens me with condemnation. I do not want to believe in god that says my way or the highway. I do not want to believe in a god that is judging me for not being in his club. I want to believe in the God that has put a good heart within me. I want to believe in the God that has created me for a wonderful purpose. I want to believe in a God that has given me a heart of hope with a great capacity to love. And, I don’t want to believe that I have to or need to go anywhere outside of myself to get that. And for that matter, what does our narrow view of God say of Him. It makes him seem like most people in power these days. “I have all the answers and you inferior people are incompetent.” But, I want to believe in a god that has a pure heart for good and has created us for good. I don’t want to believe that I can not achieve or become or find this good or release this good or acknowledge myself as good outside of myself. Being excluded makes me feel so worthless and lonely. I want to believe that within my heart and within the heart of another, we share a common goodness, whether I wear the Christian hat or not. And, you cannot tell me that if I don’t believe in “Christianity”, then I have no capacity for good. And, if I do believe in your “Christ”, then I am fully good. Any nonbeliever can see right through our Christian inauthenticity and lies.
So, I ask this question to the churches of the world – do you promote a heart of inclusion or a heart of exclusion? Does your gospel preach good news? That deep inside you there is this spring, this fountain, this geyser of goodness and love and hope and joy and the ability to do beautiful things, to create the most beautiful artwork ever scene, to heal people with her hands, with your mind, with your heart, and the ability to bring others into their heart of gold and fire and life. And, do we spread this message to the world? The message that everyone out there is good and has the capacity for so much more goodness, if only they would acknowledge the beautiful heart and life that is within them. Or, do we tell them that until you say these words, put on this hat, kneel in front of our icons, put on this necklace, wear this ring, sing these songs, you cannot eat with us, you cannot drink with us, you cannot live with us, and we will not live with you? But, what did Christ do? He ate with the poor. He drank with the drunks. He slept with the broken. He went out to the worst of the worst. He stayed far away from those who called themselves superior and religious because he knew that religiosity breeds exclusion. His message would not be one of exclusion, but it would be one of inclusion. Come eat with me. Come drink with me. Come live with me.

memoirs of wild...

last night i rented Memoirs of a Geisha. What a beautiful film. i could talk about it for the next hour, but i will just say one thing. why is it that we often have to hate that which we love before we can receive it fully? why did Saruyi have to give up her heart and chase for the chairman before he would come to her? i have slowly learned how true this is in the past little while of being married, that often hate is a stronger love than indifference is. but i guess i just don't understand. why does it have to be this way? Why can we not just love and be loved? Why does true love, deep love, have to involve hate and surrender?

thoughts...