wishing wild...

...sideways wild

i just finished watching the disturbing yet honest movie sideways. and i'm thinking about how beauty and character can somehow shine out of places we wouldn't expect them to. like the main character, i just forgot his name, anyhow, he describes at this one scene on the girls porch why he loves pinot wines so much. and he describes this grape that is so annoyingly picky and fragile and tempermental, yet when it is taken care of just the right way it can be one of the most amazing wines. and i thought, it struck me that this goofy, a little overweight, strikingly odd man that plays the main character in this movie is exactly like the pinot grape that he describes and loves so much. and i thought, wow, it's amazing that this weird estranged dude is somehow unique, beautiful, and special in his own weird way.

30 minutes later...i'm checking on my wife who has been in the bathroom now for the last three hours, struggling from three different medical annoyances, actually make that four annoying sicknesses. and i open the bathroom door to her just sitting there smiling like the belle of the ball. just somehow enjoying all of it, maybe enjoying isn't the word, maybe just laughing at the fact that it could be a lot worse. and it struck me again tonight how beauty and character and life and joy can exude through perhaps the most odd places and odd people.

...years down the road, someone will ask me, what is it about your wife that you love so much...and one thing that i could say, she has this amazing power to smile and laugh through anything. i mean, if i was in her position right now, i'd probably just be thinking of ways to fall just right on the bath tub to knock me out for a few hours, not hard enough to go to the hospital, but just enough to help me go to sleep for a little bit. but no, my wife has this amazing way of just smiling. and i've never realized that about her before.

she questioned the other night at dinner that perhaps there's nothing left to learn about each other...she was wrong. there's about 146,000 things that she does that are beautiful; and tonight i discovered one more.

(sometimes not) finding wild...

it has been a long and wet and long and cold winter break. going home was good. but quick. work has been good. good meaning long and cold and wet. all in all i have found myself so 100%, completely, godawful, mindnumbingly bored over the last month. bored bored bored. man how sad is that? i'm not what you necessarily call seattle rain depressed, no, that's not it. i'm generally just bored. i hate that. that line from near the end of american beauty continues to haunt me. something about the worst thing in life is being boring. man, that is true. but, is it just a process of learning to be satisfied and content in where you are? i mean is this real life? if it is, its boring. it sucks. man. this is a sad blog. but i am sad. man. that's weird to read that. so what do i do? is it my job? i mean it issss tedious, don't let me fool you. how many freaking windows can you wash in a week? but, that's not all of it. maybe this is all a learning process so when i do have the job i've been in school for 17 years for will be all that much more worth it. maybe. but damnnnn. i can't wait any longer. i mean. i wake up, i check my email, i take a shower, eat a bagel, drive to work, flip through the channels, wash window after window, come home, eat whatever i can throw together, watch a movie that reminds me how boring my life is, and check my email 5 million times, before i fall asleep on the couch. man. something needs to change. feel free to shoot some advice, inspiration, job findings, whatever man. bring it. cause man i am bored.